There is a sorrow in watching the parents, students, advocates and teachers plea with voices filled with pain about their outrage toward what is happening in Philadelphia and around the country in public education. 54 speakers were on the list. There are people who speak with sorrow. People who speak with anger. People who speak with wisdom. "The transformative work going on in schools cannot be captured by standardized tests." I can always count on Ayesha Imani to speak with clarity and beauty.
Two months later....
I have an image of an action movie shot - perhaps I am Luke Skywalker attacking the Death Star. But in this movie, I(Luke) am not among the attackers. We are just escaping an attack. All around me is death and destruction and colleagues are falling to the chaos and I am in my X-Wing, pulling up, up, up while the world around me implodes. I look out my window as I escape and see the collapse of my world....So that pretty much describes how it feels to me to be leaving the District and heading for India. I closed my eyes, listened to Obi Wan tell me to follow the force and made an impulsive decision to accept a job in New Delhi.
I realize I am not just leaving a District in chaos and ruin. I am leaving a country that has fallen to chaos in so many areas. Public education is just one space. I don't know if it's the prevalence of information - never ceasing - or the amassing of such large forces making it hard to see things clearly, but this feels like something that's been in the making for a while. I cast my mind back to when California was crumbling and the financial crises was defunding schools there and from out here on the East Coast, it was more like "wow, too bad for them." I didn't see it as an omen of things to come. When Hawaii's schools furloughed everyone and moved to a 4 day a week schedule in order to pay the bills, I still thought, "wow, too bad for them." And now, it's too bad for us...and it's everywhere.
Sometimes, it's hard to see the forest for the trees. Sometimes, the forest is burning and you need to move far enough away to see where the spaces are that are safe, where the fire is the fiercest, where the sparks are jumping to. I'm hoping that moving away from the US will give me the ability to see the forest from afar, to make sense of the insensible. But survivor guilt is also setting in. I have had the most terrible sadness and I do now believe it is survivor's guilt. I have a way out. I won't be here in the trenches with my brothers and sisters trying to hold together the fragments that remain when these corporate forces get done this latest experiment in privatization. I feel old, tired and uninspired. I am quick to anger and always on the edge of tears. I have developed high blood pressure and acid reflux. First world problems. I have internalized my anger, fear and sorrow. Being in Philadelphia is bad for my health.
I decided to write a top ten list of why I'm leaving Philadelphia - why I'm leaving public education here after 31 years. I'll post those musings here in this blog. Blogging is helpful. It is cathartic. It helps clarify thinking and allows me a space to express my sorrow.
Two months later....
I have an image of an action movie shot - perhaps I am Luke Skywalker attacking the Death Star. But in this movie, I(Luke) am not among the attackers. We are just escaping an attack. All around me is death and destruction and colleagues are falling to the chaos and I am in my X-Wing, pulling up, up, up while the world around me implodes. I look out my window as I escape and see the collapse of my world....So that pretty much describes how it feels to me to be leaving the District and heading for India. I closed my eyes, listened to Obi Wan tell me to follow the force and made an impulsive decision to accept a job in New Delhi.
I realize I am not just leaving a District in chaos and ruin. I am leaving a country that has fallen to chaos in so many areas. Public education is just one space. I don't know if it's the prevalence of information - never ceasing - or the amassing of such large forces making it hard to see things clearly, but this feels like something that's been in the making for a while. I cast my mind back to when California was crumbling and the financial crises was defunding schools there and from out here on the East Coast, it was more like "wow, too bad for them." I didn't see it as an omen of things to come. When Hawaii's schools furloughed everyone and moved to a 4 day a week schedule in order to pay the bills, I still thought, "wow, too bad for them." And now, it's too bad for us...and it's everywhere.
Sometimes, it's hard to see the forest for the trees. Sometimes, the forest is burning and you need to move far enough away to see where the spaces are that are safe, where the fire is the fiercest, where the sparks are jumping to. I'm hoping that moving away from the US will give me the ability to see the forest from afar, to make sense of the insensible. But survivor guilt is also setting in. I have had the most terrible sadness and I do now believe it is survivor's guilt. I have a way out. I won't be here in the trenches with my brothers and sisters trying to hold together the fragments that remain when these corporate forces get done this latest experiment in privatization. I feel old, tired and uninspired. I am quick to anger and always on the edge of tears. I have developed high blood pressure and acid reflux. First world problems. I have internalized my anger, fear and sorrow. Being in Philadelphia is bad for my health.
I decided to write a top ten list of why I'm leaving Philadelphia - why I'm leaving public education here after 31 years. I'll post those musings here in this blog. Blogging is helpful. It is cathartic. It helps clarify thinking and allows me a space to express my sorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment